I've been praying dangerous prayers.
"God, I'm not satisfied to be so easily distracted from your heart...Help me to love You passionately...Remove all walls and barriers between us...Set me ablaze O God with passion for Your Son...I repent for looking for satisfaction in other things, in other people...God, I give You permission to deal with all "weeds" in the garden of my life...Fuel me with holy passion, zeal and obedience...Cure my life of compromise and instability...Take me deeper into intimacy with You...Capture my heart completely...Help me. My heart is sleepy, my understanding dull, my sight foggy, my strength gone...Lord, let the blazing light and divine loveliness of Who You are shine in me and cast out all darkness...Ignite my heart with the passion that You deserve...subject everything in me to You, until all is under Your control...Help God, awaken my heart...Father, do what You need to do in me to make me a fit Bride for Your Son...Help me to be joyfully abandoned to You."
And then I wonder why I feel so undone, so desperately lonely for Him and His presence, so dissatisfied with all else. This God Who tears down in order to build, Who roots out in order to plant, (Jeremiah 1:10), is answering my prayers.
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