Front door wreath mishap…

It could be a rumor

or an urban legend.

I heard tell there was once a woman who lived in a tall two story house.

She had a freshly painted, metal front door that she wanted to hang an autumn wreath on.

She had made the wreath with her own two hands and a glue gun.

She used a grapevine wreath and assorted faux fall foliage.

Because her front door was metal she couldn’t hang the wreath from a nail or screw.

She didn’t have a wreath hanger either, so she had the oh, so brilliant idea to hang it with jute webbing

and hot glue it to the top edge of the door.

Then she went outside in her pajamas, with uncombed hair, to take photos of her beautiful blue door and fall wreath.

She noticed that the thickness of the jute webbing made the door difficult to close.

So she pulled hard on the door until it shut.

She quickly took pictures of her beautiful door and wreath before the neighbors noticed her on her porch in her pajamas.

When she went to open the door, the thickness of the jute webbing had, in essence, wedged the door shut as tight as a drum.

She began to thrust her full weight against the door over and over again, praying and hoping it would pop open.

She also prayed and hoped no one was watching.

The door would not budge.

She checked all the other doors and windows on the first story of her house and they were all shut and locked safe and sound.

Her cell phone was in the house, and she began to fear she was going to have to go door to door in her pajamas asking if she could use a phone to call her husband.

This thought made her pray.  It made her pray hard.

“Dear God.  Please forgive me for my foolishness.  Please, please, please help me get into the house.”

Then she remembered that her second story office window was open.

She remembered they had a tall ladder, weighing approximately two thousand pounds that they used to get on the roof and clean the gutters.  (They being the young man they paid to come and do this terrifying job.)

So now, with her right shoulder throbbing from being used as a battering ram, she wrestled the 2 ton ladder into place by the office window.

Fearfully she climbed the ladder. In her pajamas. With bare feet.  Her uncombed hair blowing in the breeze.

The window screen was wedged tightly in place.

She climbed down the ladder and found a screw driver. 

Thank God.

Fearfully she climbed the ladder.  Again.

She used the screwdriver to pry the window screen out and was able to climb in the office window.

She began to laugh and cry hysterically.

She went downstairs and out the back door to put the ladder away, trying to hide all evidence of the morning’s shameful events.

She then walked down the hallway to the front door, and without so much as a hard pull, it opened right up.

She tore the wreath off the door.

Then she took a handful of Advil for her sore shoulder.

The End.

PS: Rumor has it that that crazy woman was so traumatized that she has left her front door

“bare nekked” and wreathless.

Imagine that!

They say she went and hung that wreath safely indoors.

Of course, this is all just hearsay.

Still following,

Elizabeth