Loneliness...

I remember lying in the quilt covered bed that was pushed up next to the wall.

The pink wall of the upstairs bedroom slanted over my head.

Old linoleum covered the floor, but spots in the flooring were worn bare and you could see the old plank floors underneath.  

The window next to my bed looked out over Dartmouth street.

This was the home Mama and Daddy brought me to after I was born,

the house I lived in until the day I went away to college.

The little girl lying under those heavy, old quilts, cried herself to sleep more nights than can be counted.

She felt everything so deeply, too deeply.

The angry voices of her Mama and Daddy heard through the floorboards, 

fighting about who knows what,  made her stomach twist into knots.

She thought she might vomit.

She was easy wounded by a careless word, but the feeling of not being heard was what hurt the most.

She was full of hopes and dreams and had an imagination too big for her own good.

But, it seemed like everyone in her world was too wrapped up in their own pain to listen,

too busy to care to know what was in her mind and heart.

{As a grown woman, my passion is to make sure the children in my life feel heard.

I'm sure I've failed at this more times than I know, but it's so important to me to try.

I want them to know that their thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams are important enough to be listened to, that they are important enough to be listened to.}

Tears ran down the little girl's cheeks and made damp spots on the white pillowcase.

She talked to Jesus about all the feelings and thoughts bottled up inside.

She didn't have an imaginary friend.

She had a Real Friend that no one could see.

Sometimes, when she was walking alone to and from school, she pretended He was holding her hand.

It helped her not feel so alone.

The little girl grew up and left the house on Dartmouth street and went to college.

Soon she met the man she was to marry.

She thought that finally she would be heard, be understood, never be lonely again.

A year later, she thought she had made the biggest mistake of her life.

He really didn't understand her at all.

He didn't get her overly sensitive personality,

 they didn't spend their evenings together talking about feelings, hopes and dreams.

This wasn't at all like the companionable marriages she read about in books.

One trip to the pastor for marriage counseling and she found out that the little girl had had it right all along.

"If another person could meet all of your needs, then you wouldn't need God."

She went back to what she knew.

She purposed to pursue this most important friendship of all, to get to know Jesus intimately.

She laid in bed at night talking to Him, tears dripping down her cheeks, making wet spots on the white pillowcase.

She told Jesus her hurts and her sorrows, her joys and her triumphs, her hopes and her dreams.

When she went on her walks, He walked beside her and she talked about whatever was on her mind and heart.

He was a most gentle and kind listener.

As the years went by, the couple learned to hear each other, to appreciate each other's differences.

They became friends.

God also sent girl friends into her life.

But, life had taught her this hard lesson.

People will fail you, even the best of friends.

There is only One Friend who is always there,

who always listens,

who always cares

who always tells you the truth,

who fills your emptiness.

The old pastor had it right,

"If another person could meet all of your needs, then you wouldn't need God."

still following,