I love it when things are neat and tidy and well organized. A chaotic environment makes me feel anxious. When things in the outward circumstances of my life feel out of control, controlling my environment, aka cleaning and organizing, has been my coping mechanism.
I remember living with a knot of anxiety in the pit of my stomach at a very young age. In the first decade of my life our home was chaotic-my parents' marriage was toxic and my mama struggled with suicidal depression as a result. After my parents' divorce and the adjustment period that followed, life at home with mama became relatively peaceful, quiet and chaos free. When we got involved in a church that loved us, we never got involved enough in the inner workings to know about any inner conflicts or problems that may have been there. So my church experience was also peaceful and chaos free. When I did feel any outside stress or inward loneliness, I escaped into a perfect daydream world. In that world I designed a perfect little home and a perfect little family. It was my dream of what my future would be like.
As an adult, I soon learned that real life was nothing like the one I had manufactured in my imagination. (Join me for the rest of this post on Sunday, October 20th at Woman to Woman Ministries, where each Sunday I share a bit of Sunday Soul Food!)
still following,
"Sometimes our unguarded strength becomes our greatest weakness." This is truly something to think on as it is so true. Thank you for reminding me this morning to "settle down and trust the One who is able to fix all things and all people." Blessings!
ReplyDeleteGod bless you, too, Joanne!
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